The big yellow rectangle
Yesterday afternoon as I drove home from dropping Arch off at preschool a feeling of solitude wrapped me in joy. As the sun shined through my window, the silent air filled with solemn breath.
I was alone!
I slowly shifted down into second gear to make the final turn towards home and I smiled to myself, of the blissful moment that has been waiting its turn so patiently.
Walking in the door I see the daily calendar. I'm a day late, so I pill off the paper to reveal the days message. It reads "Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear?"
Here I am folks, Hello, I've missed my words, but with good reason they went silent.
It was the return of seizures that took my breath away.
I thought we won that battle back in year one. This was hopeful thinking. Although I wash the medicine syringes twice daily, it seemed the days would come to an end. Instead the seizures returned, not with a vengeance like some children, with just enough of a presence to be know they exist. Instead of turning my back on the seizures I set to examine where we could intervene building a wall of prevention (more to come on what our allies became).
When digging in, the mud came in thick, smeared itself all over our life. The summer heat worked to bake this mud that had overtook our lives. It took every slice of heat from the sun for it to dry, crack, and corrode before we could dust it away. What was left a deeply dug barrier around the three of us. The floods came, leaving water to clearly fill our moat, giving us way to float.
Today CLARITY found it's way back home!
I'm FREE!
It has taken 4+ years to be within the purity of clarity. Truly, the last time clarity radiated within me, I was peering off a boulder taking a safety check of the pool below. The water glistened like glass, seeing the mossy layers of rocks underneath, above a reflection of not only me standing there, but the sun silhouetting the womb rounding out my mid-section. With one last look, setting my sights on the deep pit of darkness lying at the center I leaped into the refreshingly cold water.
I first thank my boy for this!
Secondly, I thank my husband for not letting me back down.
And Last I thank all those that have been there for us in the last four years. The journey seems as if it has already been many lifetimes. But I will take this moment to be solely mine. It has taken each prayer, each lesson, each connection, each moment, each conversation to get us where we are today.
Standing at the end of our driveway to see the big yellow rectangle, a school bus, with round wheels coming up the hill!
I was alone!
I slowly shifted down into second gear to make the final turn towards home and I smiled to myself, of the blissful moment that has been waiting its turn so patiently.
Walking in the door I see the daily calendar. I'm a day late, so I pill off the paper to reveal the days message. It reads "Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear?"
Here I am folks, Hello, I've missed my words, but with good reason they went silent.
It was the return of seizures that took my breath away.
I thought we won that battle back in year one. This was hopeful thinking. Although I wash the medicine syringes twice daily, it seemed the days would come to an end. Instead the seizures returned, not with a vengeance like some children, with just enough of a presence to be know they exist. Instead of turning my back on the seizures I set to examine where we could intervene building a wall of prevention (more to come on what our allies became).
When digging in, the mud came in thick, smeared itself all over our life. The summer heat worked to bake this mud that had overtook our lives. It took every slice of heat from the sun for it to dry, crack, and corrode before we could dust it away. What was left a deeply dug barrier around the three of us. The floods came, leaving water to clearly fill our moat, giving us way to float.
Today CLARITY found it's way back home!
I'm FREE!
It has taken 4+ years to be within the purity of clarity. Truly, the last time clarity radiated within me, I was peering off a boulder taking a safety check of the pool below. The water glistened like glass, seeing the mossy layers of rocks underneath, above a reflection of not only me standing there, but the sun silhouetting the womb rounding out my mid-section. With one last look, setting my sights on the deep pit of darkness lying at the center I leaped into the refreshingly cold water.
I first thank my boy for this!
Secondly, I thank my husband for not letting me back down.
And Last I thank all those that have been there for us in the last four years. The journey seems as if it has already been many lifetimes. But I will take this moment to be solely mine. It has taken each prayer, each lesson, each connection, each moment, each conversation to get us where we are today.
Standing at the end of our driveway to see the big yellow rectangle, a school bus, with round wheels coming up the hill!
